(no subject)

[franklanguage]

The other day I was told by a client that someone else who works with him had told him I was "retarded."

Naturally, this isn't the first time—in over 30 years—someone has said something of this nature to me. I regularly get people asking me, "What's wrong with you, anyway?" Even more people say nothing at all. However, every time it happens, I have to check myself; it makes me hyper-aware of how I do things and sets up a lot of cognitive dissonance in me.

The backstory: One or two days a week I walk and feed a dog for a disabled elderly person named Larry, plus feed and inject his cat with insulin. There are different health aides for Larry on different days; I've been covering an additional day that an aide named Vadalyn works; she's from Trinidad or one of the islands, and apparently because she changes adult diapers for a living, she feels a need to distinguish herself by calling other people "retarded."

My lesson here is to consider the source, but still it stings to be called "retarded," even indirectly. Because Larry is developmentally-disabled even before the stroke a few years ago that made him require 24-hour attendant care, he can't be trusted to keep a secret. If you tell Larry anything, it's because you want everyone to know.

My reaction to this has been to do a slow burn, but as regards Vadalyn, all bets are off. I've been aware certain things I was doing—leaving utensils in the sink, for instance—weren't acceptable to her, but I wasn't aware she considered a symptom of my mental retardation. Now, I'm not going to bother apologizing or saying "Good morning" to her; after all, if I'm irreparably mentally defective, why bother?

Comments

[padiwack.livejournal.com]

Sounds like Larry has nothing better to do than stir the Drama. I would be nicer to a person who gives shots to my cat! Even if she said it, he had no good reason to inform you, except to stir up people's emotions! No telling as to what he is saying to her!

It sucks. You deserve better!

[franklanguage.livejournal.com]

Didn't you click on the link?

Anyway, he said she had called him "retarded" as well; I personally think she was jealous on some level, because he's been asking me to marry him—and I said, "Sure!"

Even when you don't work in an office, there's politics.

[padiwack.livejournal.com]

Totally my bad - I missed the link. Apologies all around.

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

get a water proof ribbon, write <3 FROM THE TARD on it, tie it around the utensils you leave in the sink, and leave another one in there every day until you get an apology.

[franklanguage.livejournal.com]

I don't expect an apology, but I'm not kissing up to her anymore, and she knows why.

[trustpects.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear you went through a lousy experience like that. Hugs. I know how that feels, and it tends to sting a little bit, no matter one's level of confidence. I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or not - but here goes, in case you are...

I worked next to someone who gave me a hard time and was unfriendly toward me. Basically, the same sort of thing you're describing - that this lady puts others down to help herself feel better about herself. That seems to be a fairly common coping mechanism for those with a low self-esteem. The woman at work who sat next to me and was unfriendly toward me (we can call her Jen)... our manager had confided in me that Jen was a poor test taker, so felt bad sitting next to me, looking at all my educational certificates and all the online company tests I took and passed, so she coped with it by being unfriendly toward me. Our manager had advised that I ask to go out for coffee with her from time to time and be more kind towards her, as well as compliment her on accomplishments she made, within reason and sincerely. I did, and that worked out pretty well - we got along a lot better after that. I hope this helps you out in some way.

Sending you some more hugs.

[trustpects.livejournal.com]

Oh, I just read from your comment that you had been kissing up to her. I guess that falls into the category of being friendly and complimentary. What do you think about pulling her to the side and in private one day and ask her how things are going and how she feels about working with you?

Does her opinion of you and what she does or does not tell Larry affect your paycheck in any way, or could affect your paycheck in any way?

[franklanguage.livejournal.com]

I was trying to get along, but nothing I did was right for her.

Because I don't have to see her every day—and no, how I interact with her doesn't affect my pay in any way, as long as I keep my same schedule—there's nothing I can really do except that now I'm not feeling any pressure to be nice to her.

In other news, one of the dogs I walk in Tribeca died this past week; she had thrown out her back, which is not uncommon for French bulldogs. She was one of a pair, so I will resume walking her brother next week. It's just sad.

[jurassicsnark.livejournal.com]

I hate that word.

Sounds like Vadalyn needs some sensitivity training, as well as a pry bar to assist her in getting her head out of her ass.

Does she have an employer, or a higher-up/union you could file a complaint with? Even if they don't do anything, they'll at least have it documented. Is there any literature out there on brain injuries that you could give to her? On one hand, it may clue her in, and on the other hand, it'll let her know you're aware of what she's been saying. Bullies don't like to be called on their shit, and her behavior is not acceptable, period.

For what it's worth, when I read your posts, you come across as being VERY intelligent and well-spoken. I'd say she's got her own issues, is very emotionally immature, and is projecting this onto other people.

I know it's hard to not take it personally, though. I've been there. :(

*hugs*