franklanguage: album cover (weasels)
Well, I got an envelope today in the mail from the Board of Elections; silly me, I thought they were mailing me my long-awaited ballot. Instead, it turned out the poll worker who had processed my ballot request form misread my name and sent back a letter indicating that the voter in question was not registered—and therefore not eligible to vote.

In response, I fired off a short cover letter to return with my second request for a ballot. Although I have a strange, awkward last name that has often gotten misspelled and mispronounced in my life, I have been an active voter in the state of New York since 1980, so this latest slight just pisses me off. (And yes, I'm sending a copy of my tattered voter registration card—front and back—along with the letter and all the copies; I admit I neglected to enclose it in the first place, and I could have avoided all this bull$^%@#$%.)

Although this is a strange, convoluted way to practice voter suppression, I'm sure it's going on in spades all throughout the rest of the country. I'm prepared to go to the polls in person on election day, if it comes to that.
franklanguage: (Default)
courtesy of bart_calendar@livejournal.com

1. Mitt rhymes with tit.

2. Mittens rhymes with kittens.

3. Your children will abstain from sex until you are ready for grandchildren.

4. Nobody will ever have gay sex again.

5. The UN black helicopter program will shut down immediately.

6. While you will be forced to carry your birth certificate around at all times, you’ll never have to pay taxes or show your tax records.

7. The nation will stop using drugs, alcohol and caffeine.

8. Not only will you build your own business, serfs will help you!

9. You will no longer be working at Wal-Mart. By this time next year you’ll be making $2 million a year at a job that provides great health care and you’ll need those tax breaks.

10. If you are male, having sister wives to service you means you’ll never have to use porn or masturbate again.

11. If you are female, your sister wives will take turns doing their duty so you won’t have to do that disgusting thing with your husband anywhere near as often.

12. Your son will really know how to get a good shave, wear white shirts and sensible ties.

13. You won’t have to worry about getting a liberal education to do your job. Educated people from the far east will do it instead.

14. Once birth control is outlawed, all the unwanted children will be sure to keep our prisons full, creating lots of great blue collar jobs in the correctional industry.

15. Additional wars will help thin the herd.

16. Your annoying neighbors will have a far higher chance of getting sick and dying.

17. Those pesky homosexual urges that keep you up at night will immediately go away.

18. Who doesn’t want to support a religion that is even more insane than Scientology?

19. You think the conspiracy theories about Obama are fun? Wait til the ones about Mitt hit the Internet.

20. Four years of great Internet memes.

21. Because… reasons.
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